Why Akatsuki pwns ALL evil criminal organizations
by BloodiedTears35
Summary: Hilarious stories on why our beloved criminal organization, the Akatsuki, is the best among the best. Will make you cry and laugh at the same time.
1. 1: The epic awkward moments

Why Akatsuki owns all evil criminal organizations and pwns them all.

**PART ONE ( #1 : The epic awkward moments )**

"Listen up, everybody."

The Akatsuki members who were all assembled for a discussion session straightened up instantly upon hearing the monotonous tone emitting from their leader. Feeling uneasy, they shifted from their unsightly seating positions and adjusted to a much comfortable posture. Well, all except for one Jashinist.

"WHAT THE FUCK! I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF MY RITUAL!" a certain man with silver-coloured hair hollered. "What is the meaning of this fucking shit!"

Kakuzu eyed Hidan with hostility. Then, without warning, a pair of hands grabbed the back of Hidan's head with such force that it made the Jashin-obsessed man convulse in pain. "OW! HEY! WHAT ARE YOU- oh gosh, that actually feels kinda' nice," he commented with a wide grin stretching across his face.

Pein tapped his foot impatiently. "I have something important to announce," he said in a low-pitched voice. "So listen, people."

"DEIDARA -SENPAI!" Tobi shrieked before Pein could continue, much to his annoyance. "BITE ME!" he yelled, pouncing on a startled Deidara with outstretched fingers. Deidara cussed and cowered instinctively, managing to avoid Tobi by a few centimetres. "That was close, un!"

Suddenly, realisation struck Deidara in the head. His blood vessels looked ready to burst at that moment. "TOBI, UN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU ALMOST KILLED ME, UN!"

Tobi backed away from the angry man, with tears forming at the corner of his mask's eye hole. "Sen...nn...pp...ai..." he sniffed.

The rest of the Akatsuki members stayed quiet. They knew better than to try and agitate Pein. He was scary when he got mad. However, the members could swear that they saw Konan's eyes gleaming whenever he exploded in fury. Strange.

Pein creased his eyebrows in worry and frustration. He had a lot of work to complete and he had no time to waste on these ignorant little brats who knew nothing about being evil. Sure, being in Akatsuki made them look evil and cunning, but as soon as they were away from the eyes of villagers and people, they became a group of three year-old kids. Pein was sick of all the mayhem. Nobody listened when he wanted to announce something. Nobody cared when he literally collapsed to the floor trying to catch his breath. But at least, Konan cared, and he was truly grateful for that.

He took in a deep breath. _Self control,_ he thought. _Just bear with this for a little longer. _Stepping forward, he gave a loud, awkward cough and glanced around the room. "I believe it's my turn to talk," he said in his most authoritative tone.

The Akatsuki members stopped their chatter and turned to look at him curiously. Pein suddenly felt respected, a feeling he had never felt in what seemed like years. He closed his eyes in satisfaction. He was finally getting the respect he deserved! But something was bothering him, and it was fishy, like Kisame._ Fishy_.

Something was wrong! The Akatsuki members would NEVER give him due respect! And what was he seeing now? He swallowed hard. Even Tobi, the funky little boy who could hardly sit still was eyeing him intently.

"What?" He managed, trying to maintain his cool. "What is it? Why are you guys staring at me like..."

"PEIN-SAMA!" Tobi shouted, sending Pein's heart flying off to another universe. "YOU HAVE A PIMPLE!"

...

...

...

_Huh?_

Awkward silence.


	2. 2: Because even the Evil can love

Hi, everybody. Thanks for the reviews on my first chapter! Here is the second one. Keep the lovely reviews coming! ~

**PART TWO [ #2: Because even the Evil can love. ]**

"Ooh, Senpai! Lookie, look! You have a face!" a chirpy voice sounded from behind.

Upon hearing that, Deidara's nostrils flared and his eyes widened in disbelief. What was it that he had just heard? Was he THAT stupid? Didn't he realise that all along? Deidara couldn't believe the irony of it.

"Of course I have a face you dumbwit! What rubbish is that, un!" he almost screamed back at the orange-swirly faced boy. "Tobi, are you mentally disabled? You need help, un!"

Tobi stood in his tracks and stared at the blonde-haired bomber with a mixture of surprise and confusion. "Who's Tobi?" he finally exclaimed, flapping his arms wildly in the air. "Senpai, I think you need help, too! Why, uttering _kawaii _sentences early in the morning! That is what I have always expected from you, Deidara-Senpai!" Tobi let out a boyishly affectionate grin. Well, of course, no one could see it.

"WHAT?" Deidara's blood vessels were about to burst. He clenched his fist in a futile attempt to calm himself down, but failed anyway. "I'LL SEND YOU TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE UNIVERSE AND RETURN TO THE AKATSUKI HIDEOUT MYSELF, UN!" he hollered, moulding clay into a shape of a bird. He then tossed it at a petrified Tobi with quivering arms.

"KATSU!"

**Meanwhile, at the Akatsuki Lair**

Pein stood there and stared at the Akatsuki members with his arms akimbo. No one seemed to be paying attention yet again. He sighed and rubbed his temple, trying to stop his pounding headache. _One day, I'm going to leave this sickening place after I have completed my goal. With Konan, _he thought to himself. At that, he smiled slightly.

"Shut up Hidan. You're not wanted around here," a voice interrupted his thoughts.

"...har?" a silver-haired Jashinist replied. Once the sentence registered in his hate-filled mind, he let out a nasty-sounding growl. "KAKUZU! SHUT YOUR ASS, I TELL YA'! HOW DARE YOU FUCKING TELL ME THAT! THE GROUP NEEDS ME AND NOT YOUR STINKY ASS YOU BOOTLICKER!" Hidan snapped and bit his lip, drawing blood. "I. Will. Bite. Your. Head. Off. One. Day. Fucker."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes and waved away his threats with one hand. "Whatever. Do what you want, Jashin-lover," he said with gleaming eyes as he took out wads of dollar bills and started stroking them affectionately. "I will not die if I have my loved ones with me right here," he stuffed the money into his pocket.

"Why you! GA-"

Pein stamped his foot in annoyance. How dare they interrupt his day-dreaming! _They shall pay,_ he grumbled. Right where he was getting to the good parts with Konan, he got interrupted!

"Hidan, quiet. Everybody, listen up. You'd better. Before I send you to the pits of hell. I have something to announce, and it is very important. We have a very important mission, and it is about..."

"Pein-sama, **Tobi and Deidara are not here yet," **Zetsu cut in. The other members nodded in agreement, much to Pein's chagrin.

He couldn't believe it! He was interrupted again. And this time, he was embarrassed. In front of the group. How stupid. The Akatsuki would be a laughing stock if anyone found out that their great leader, Pein-Sama, could not even handle the members that were a rank below him.

"...Fine, we'll just wait until they arrive," he mumbled inaudibly. "You guys just-"

"PEIN-SAMAAAA!" a familiar voice screamed. "TOBI IS FALLING!"

The members stiffened in shock. "**It's Tobi, that idiot, no doubt**. And he's coming this way!" Zetsu said, startled. "What should we do, Pein-sama?"

"Ignore him," Pein said, exasperated. He was depressed as he had been interrupted. AGAIN. He did not even bother to count how many times this happened. He gave up.

Tobi suddenly let out a terrified yelp and crashed into Hidan, pushing them both to the floor. Hidan was too shocked for words, and simply stared at him with wide-eyes. "You bastard..." he regained his composure and flung Tobi across the room. "THAT HURT!" he screamed.

Tobi whizzed across the other members and slammed into the concrete-hard wall. Hidan grinned in satisfaction, but was dismayed when the cheerful member emerged from the dust, unscathed. "Tobi can fly! Tobi feels good! Tobi wants again! Tobi is a good boy!" he exclaimed, hopping around the room like a cat on hot bricks. "Senpai is good! Hidan-san is good!" he chorused.

Just as Tobi was in the middle of his little dance, a knock was heard from the entrance of the Akatsuki Hideout. "Deidara here, un. I'm coming in now."

Deidara strolled leisurely into the lair. "Hey everybody, un. I've got good news! I just sent Tobi flying off to the other-WHAT!" he paused and eyed the funky member in disbelief. "...I...thought...I...made you explode, un!"

Kisame smirked in amusement. "Thankfully, you're here just on time, Deidara-san. Everyone was waiting for you." he spoke up for the first time. Deidara gaped at Pein-sama upon realising that he was late and immediately settled down on a loveseat, trying his best to ignore Tobi and vowed to get back at him later.

Pein let out a cough. "Good, then. Now that everyone is assembled and all is quiet, I can finally, FINALLY, announce the mission for today. Even though we are the Akatsuki, a evil criminal organization that is not to be trifled with, we have needs to. And Konan just found out yesterday that somebody had eaten all of the food in our refridgerator. So, me and Konan will be going to the village to do some..." he trailed off. "What do you call that again, Konan?"

"Grocery-shopping," she corrected with a smile, ignoring the other member's stares.

"Yes," Pein returned a grin. "Thank you Konan. Now as I was saying, we are going grocery-shopping together, and I just realised...our hideout is very disorganized. As a criminal organization, we cannot afford our hideout to be untidy. I will therefore, be splitting you up into groups to do some cleaning-up."

Tobi danced around wildly. "Yay! Clean-up! Oh, I know, Tobi knows! Tobi is a good boy! Maybe we could use Senpai's hair as a broom...?" he shut his mouth as soon as he saw Deidara shaking in rage, cussing and uttering some sentences that innocent Tobi did not understand.

Pein creased his eyebrows in frustration. "Listen up. Stop talking, Tobi, and Deidara, calm down."

_Silence._

"I will be splitting you up into different groups. Listen carefully now, I will not be repeating what I have said. Deidara, you will be with Kisame instead of Tobi. I expect no bickering."

Deidara breathed a sigh of relief. Luckily, he would not be with Tobi. Kisame looked like a good partner, and he was looking forward to working with him. Kisame simply chuckled.

"Hidan will be with Tobi."

Tobi eyes gleamed in excitement. "I look forward to working with you, Hidan-san! Tobi is good! Hidan-san is also good!"

Hidan rolled his eyes and swore in disgust. "Shut up, stupid brat," he mumbled in irritation. _Damn, I'm going to have a bad time,_ he cursed.

"Itachi, you will be with Kakuzu."

Itachi nodded. "Looking forward to working with you, Kakuzu," he said in a monotonous tone. Kakuzu's head began to spin. Itachi? Finally! He was so happy. _It's about time,_ he thought to himself. _Finally, I'll able to have some peace. Thank goodness I'm not paired up with Hidan._

"Oh wait, I made a mistake earlier. Sasori will be paired up together with Deidara and Kisame. And...Hidan, you will be paired up together with Itachi and Kakuzu. Tobi will be with Zetsu. That's all for today. Return to your rooms once Konan has distributed to you your missions. The cleaning-up will start tomorrow."

Protests and cries of dismay could be heard as Konan and Pein stalked out of the room.

**The next day.**

"Itachi-san, which way is it?" Kakuzu asked, staring at the map given by Konan. Itachi simply pointed in a direction which led to the village. "This way." he replied without a trace of emotion on his face.

Hidan grumbled and kicked at the soil with his feet. "Getting stuck with Tobi is one thing, but being with Kakuzu..._sucks."_

Kakuzu ignored him and, together with Itachi, entered a shop that sold cleaning supplies. Leaving Hidan to sulk outside, they selected the necessities they needed and went to the counter to pay for them.

"How much?" Itachi asked as the shopkeeper placed all of the supplies into a plastic bag.

"The total is twelve dollars."

"WHAT?" Kakuzu could feel his heart breaking into pieces. Twelve dollars? That was far too much! It might seem like a small amount of money, but to Kakuzu, it was worth a million gold bars. He shook his head, trying to compose himself. "Can you lower the price a little?" he croaked.

The shopkeeper glared at Kakuzu. "Excuse me, old man! Twelve dollars is already very cheap! If you buy from other shops, they will charge you at least a hundred dollars for these top-quality cleaning supplies! Take it or leave!" he replied angrily, getting a tad impatient with him.

A roar of laughter could be heard coming from the outside.

"Fine," Kakuzu muttered, his heart breaking as he took out wads of _precious_ dollar bills to pay for the items. "I'll pay..."

"No," Itachi cut in. Passing wads of notes to the shopkeeper, he answered, "I'll pay for the goods instead."

At that, Kakuzu could only shed tears of joy.

**The other side**

"Hey, OW! **That hurt, Tobi. You little ass."**

"Sorry Zetsu-san! Tobi was just playing! Tobi didn't mean to! Tobi meant to hit Senpai! Tobi figures Senpai likes pain!"

"What the hell? Tobi..." Deidara struggled to control his emotions. "I'M NOT HIDAN, THAT PSYCHO! I DON'T LIKE PAIN, UN!

"Tobi knows! Tobi understands what Senpai is saying! Senpai said that he doesn't like Pein-sama! Tobi is smart!"

"Shut up, Deidara. You're making it worse, just leave Tobi alone," Sasori muttered in annoyance.

Kisame chuckled in amusement. "This is gonna' be a long day..." he said, trailing off.

Deidara pretended that he didn't hear what Kisame said and pounced on Tobi. "I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL BLOW YOU APART, UN! STOP MAKING THINGS UP, UN!"

"Oh dear."

"Pass me a mop. **Or I'll eat your hair."**

"Tobi is a good boy!"

"Deidara! You're spilling water all around!"

"HECK, LIKE HELL I CARE, UN!" Deidara snarled. "KATSU!"

_And to Deidara, what appeared before him then, was truly a work of art._

Well, not like Sasori agreed, anyway.

**Meanwhile...**

"Are you sure it was wise to leave the rest alone?" Konan asked , settling down comfortably onto Pein's lap. "They might make things worse."

Pein linked fingers with Konan. "Well, we needed a day off. Together," he replied affectionately. Konan giggled, her face turning a crimson red.

"Should we tell the members about us...? They already know that something is going on between us, anyway. Why should we hide it?"

Pein smiled. "Now, it won't be wise to do that, right? Hidan won't let us off once he finds out. And Tobi, of course. He'll be on our case for months."

Konan snuggled up to Pein and stroked his hair with her free hand. She was the only one who was allowed to do that, and that made her proud.

"Pretty weird, isn't it?" she sighed, looking up and admiring the view with him. "We're part of the Akatsuki...a criminal organization which supposedly has members with selfish desires and heartless killing intent. Never would anyone think that there would be a lovey pair among them...and that you, the leader, is one of the lovebirds."

Pein grinned cheekily. "Well, after all, even evil criminals like us need love in our lives," he replied simply, planting a kiss on Konan's cheek.


	3. 3: Mealtimes

Had a lot of time in my hands...so I decided to get started on chapter 3 immediately, since you guys wanted more! ...Well, here it is. Enjoy! Rated T for a certain sexy Jashinist.

**Why Akatsuki owns all evil criminal organizations ( #3: Mealtimes )**

"What's for dinner, un?"

Konan let out a cheeky grin, much to the surprise of a blonde-haired bomber. "I didn't cook today," she said, pointing in the direction of where Pein was standing. "Pein will be bringing us out to eat."

Deidara stood rooted to the ground and stared at Konan in disbelief. "But...tt...thats impossible, un!" he replied. Other Akatsuki members who were in the vicinity nodded their heads in agreement. "We're part of an evil criminal organization, the Akatsuki! How are we going to go out without being detected?" Kisame questioned quizzically, rubbing the back of his head in confusion.

Pein shook his head. "Well...Konan was lazy to cook today, and I didn't have a-"

"FUCK YEA! GOING OUT? THIS WILL BE A FUCKING GOOD CHANCE TO SACRIFICE SOME RANDOM FUCKING PERSON TO JASHIN! OHHH YEAAAH!" Hidan laughed maniacally, interrupting Pein. "LET'S GO FUCKERS! WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE WAITING FOR!"

"Hidan," Kakuzu snarled. "You're seriously a fool. Think of all the reasons we can't go out, brat. Firstly, people would notice and approach us because it's easy to spot us. Secondly, you're a public nuisance. Thirdly, it is too expensive! Think of the amount we would have to pay just for a set meal! Oh, I feel like crying-"

"Oh, please, Kakuzu!" Hidan snapped, rolling his eyes. "I suggest we kill anyone we SEE," he declared, laughing madly. "They would make a good sacrifice for lord JASHIN!" The other members exchanged wary glances among one another. What would they have for dinner?

"Tobi is a good boy!" a voice rang. "Tobi is good! Tobi is good! Tobi wants to go out! Tobi wants to go eat with Senpai and admire his beautiful hair! Senpai is pretty!"

Deidara stiffened upon hearing the word _pretty._ "...Tobi..."

"Yes, pretty Senpai?" Tobi exclaimed, his face turning crimson-red beneath his mask.

"...YOU DIE, UN!" Deidara screeched as he pounced on a startled Tobi and started throwing punches at the poor, petrified guy.

"Enough, both of you," Pein said, making no attempt to stop the bickering. "As for those concerns...we'll wear our casual clothes instead of the Akatsuki cloak, and Hidan, you decide what to do with people who still manage to recognise us. As for money issues...Kakuzu, it wouldn't hurt to contribute some of your money for a good cause, right?"

"...Since when was dining out a good cause?" Kakuzu muttered unhappily, staring at a delighted Hidan who was now on his knees. "Lord Jashin! Later, I will present to you many great sacrifices! Do not despair!" he exclaimed, much to the annoyance of the other members.

"**I'm hungry.** Let's not waste time," Zetsu said. "**Let's go eat some chewy human's flesh."**

**An hour later**

Pein smacked his forehead in exasperation. He was unable to grasp hold of the situation that was happening. Standing outside of the lair with Konan, he stamped his foot in impatience and eyed the entrance of the hideout with a look that did not seem too pleased. "What's taking those fools so long to get ready?" he mumbled.

Konan gave Pein a pat on the back. "Relax, Pein. Their almost done. Do you want me to go in and check on them?"

"That wouldn't be...convienient." Pein replied, "I'll go in instead."

As he walked towards the entrance of the Akatsuki lair, he could hear nothing.

...

...

...

_Silence._

Where were the members? What in the world were they up to? Pein scowled in frustration. Did they run away? He was starving and in no mood for jokes. He quickened his pace and reached the dressing room in no time.

"...What in the world are you guys up to now!"

_No reply came._

Pein rubbed his temple, trying to curb the pounding in his head. _Those idiots._ Now they would have to miss dinner...

As Pein strained his ears to listen for the members' voices, he heard a sound of pounding wood and a few muffled cries. Startled, he tried to compose himself and took in a deep breath. Approaching the direction from where the sounds came from, he stopped right in front of their wardrobe. The pounding and kicking noises were louder now, and much more clearer. Pein was sure that they were inside. Up to what, he didn't want to know.

"Are you idiots in there?" he barked, twitching his eyebrows in irritation. "What the hell are you guys doing?"

"...Pein-sama! Tobi is a good boy! Hidan-san is a good boy! Senpai is a good boy! Zetsu-san is a good boy! Sasori-san is a good boy! Kisame-san..."

"Enough, Tobi! Just answer my question. What. Are. You. People. Up. To. In. There?"

"...Pein-sama, we're all trapped in the wardrobe, un," Deidara gasped. "Save us! ...Ow Tobi, stop touching my butt you idiot, un!"

Pein sighed loudly. "Fine. Hold still, everybody..."

**To make a long story short, the members finally reached...Mcdonalds. Don't ask me how.**

"WHAT!" Hidan hollered. It wasn't a question. Reaching out his hand for the packet of fries, he grasped one in his hands and stared at it with wide eyes. "LOOK AT ALL THE FUCKING OIL! LOOK AT THE GREASE! LOOK AT THE SALT! THE FUCKIN' SALT! OH, MY EYES ARE BURNING-"

"Shut up, Hidan," Kakuzu muttered from across the table, picking at his burger. "I didn't want this. So much of it is gone...all gone..." he uttered with tears forming at the corner of his eyes.

"This is a surprise, un. Hidan, since when were you concerned about your diet?" Deidara questioned curiously, eyeing the Jashinist with raised eyebrows.

"WHAT KIND OF FUCKING QUESTION IS THAT? I AIN'T GOT A GOOD SACRIFICE FOR LORD JASHIN HERE! LOOK AT ALL THESE DIMWITS! CONSUMING ALL THE FOOD FROM THIS FUCKING DAMNED PLACE! THE FAT! THE GREASE IN THEIR BODIES! HOW UNHEALTHY! THIS WOULD NOT MAKE A FUCKING GOOD SACRIFICE FOR LORD JASHIN," he snarled menacingly. "Why the fuck would you bring us here, Konan?"

Konan chuckled hysterically, waving her hands in the air. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you guys had issues with eating at Mcdonalds...and loosen up, it ain't so bad, right Pein?"

Pein simply nodded his head in agreement. "Yes, yes. Anyway, we don't have any other place to dine at...it's very late now."

Kisame nodded in understanding, but suddenly crinkled his nose in disgust. "Tobi, what are you doing?"

Tobi, upon hearing Kisame's question, suddenly pounced on top of the table, sending fries and burgers flying everywhere, and not to mention the drinks, which landed on an angry Jashinist and a horrified Deidara.

"Tobi likes dancing! Tobi is high! Tobi feels GOOD!" Tobi chirped, jumping around like he had ants in his pants. "Wheee-"

"THE FUCK!" Hidan screamed. "MY HAIR! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR..."

"SHUT UP HIDAN, UN!" Deidara followed Hidan's lead. "MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR IS TOO, RUINED! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO STYLE IT, TOBI? UN!"

"I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR FUCKING HAIR, DEI! IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN UGLY," Hidan roared at a fuming Deidara, who was now quivering in rage. The other members stared at one another knowingly. Kisame, along with Itachi, immediately got up and picked the two angry members off their feets and slung them over their backs.

"Let's go, everyone, before people notice us," Pein commanded, doing a facepalm.

"LET ME GO! LET ME GO, UN!" Deidara almost screamed. Quickly, he moulded his clay into different shapes of animals and tossed them everywhere. "I will not tolerate this! KATSU!"

**...**

**...**

**...**

**Long story short, the members were towed back to the hideout by a satisfied and full Zetsu.**

White Zetsu smiled happily at a contented Black Zetsu. "That was a nice meal, wasn't it?"

"**The best meal I've ever had in ages. We have to thank Konan for her decision to bring us to Mcdonalds. The people there were chewy."**

"Of course, of course. The fats on them were delicious."

"**..."**

"Are we there yet?"

**"Almost."**

"Come to think of it, this always happens when Konan brings the whole group out for a meal."

"**It happens all the time. At home and even in the toilet. There's no end to the bickering. We should be famous."**

"Yeah, right...what's for supper? I'm starving."

**"..." **Black Zetsu nodded in silent agreement. **"Maybe we should eat Deidara and Hidan's hair while they are unconscious."**

"Good idea."


	4. 4: Storytelling sessions

Thanks for the WONDERFUL reviews! You guys have no idea how much I love them! 3 Here's chapter four. Enjoy! Rated T for Hidan.

**Why Akasuki owns all evil criminal organizations Part 4 ( #4: Scary stories )**

**It was a stormy and cold night. The Akatsuki were all huddled around the fireplace, rubbing their hands together in an attempt to warm themselves up. On nights like this when they can't fall asleep, they take turns to tell ghost stories. **

**Due to the roaring thunder, the members couldn't sleep a wink. Not to mention that Hidan was literally screaming his head off, swearing and cursing at the thunder for causing a din and making him restless. **

"STUPID THUNDER! CURSE YOU! NOW I CAN'T FUCKING SLEEP!"

"Enough, Hidan," Pein said in an authoritative tone. "You're making it worse for all of us."

Indeed, the members were staring blearily at the silver-haired Jashinist with bags under their eyes, and yawns coming from a member could be heard every five seconds. Hidan scowled, and plopped back onto his bed with his hands at the back of his head. "This is crazy!" he muttered to himself. "We can't fucking sleep! ...Curse the thunder-"

"Hidan."

"Fine, fine," Hidan relented, and relaxed his tense muscles. Clearing his throat, he slowly got up from his bed and planted two feet onto the ground. "Now, we can't fucking sleep. What should we do, leader?"

Pein rubbed his chin and stared out of the window, thinking of what to do next. "Well, we'll do the usual."

Suddenly, a orange-swirly masked guy popped out from the behind of a wall and started prancing around excitedly. "Tobi wants to tell stories! Tobi wants to tell ghost stories with Senpai!"

Deidara rolled his eyes and shot Tobi an annoyed look. "Your stories aren't even scary, un."

"Fear not, Senpai! This time, I have come prepared!" Tobi reached into his Akatsuki cloak and pulled out a scary-looking mask. "Tada!"

"What's that for, Tobi?" Sasori asked with raised eyebrows. The other members eyed Tobi with curiosity.

"To set the mood, Sasori-san!" Tobi replied cheekily, tossing it at Itachi. "Itachi-san! Would you mind wearing it?"

"..." Itachi could only stare at the mask that now rested on his lap. "I don't think that would be a good idea, Tobi."

"No worries, Itachi-san! Tobi will wear it!"

Deidara smacked his forehead. "You're already wearing one, un," he remarked, frowning.

Tobi stared at Deidara in amazement. "Senpai! You're amazing, _sugoi!_ How did you know that?" he exclaimed, much to Deidara's irritation.

"_Baka! _Anyone could tell, un!"

Pein held up a hand, demanding for silence. "That's enough, both of you. We shall start the story-telling now," he announced. "Who will be first?"

Tobi started jumping around in his seat. "Kisame-san! Kisame-san!"

Kisame eyed Tobi with shock. "M...me? Why, that's a surprise," he chuckled. "Fine, I'll start..."

The members stared at Kisame, waiting in anticipation.

**Kisame's scary tale**

Kisame took in a deep breath as the frenzied cold wind blew against his face. Involuntarily, a shiver went up his spine. "It was in **the middle of the night. **The wind was so strong that trees were uprooted and sent flying into the air. I was in a secluded-looking mansion, and rumours claimed it to be occupied by** a certain man**. The man was scary," he mouthed, his eyes boring down into the members' terrified eyes.

"Who was he? I was curious to find out, and approached the mansion. The **paintings on the walls could TALK**, and their eyes followed you wherever you went," Kisame puffed, struggling to compose himself. "But the scariest part was the bedroom where the man slept. As I entered the room with heavy footsteps, the man came popping out of nowhere, and brandished a..."

The members' eyes widened and a whimpering Tobi immediately buried his face into Deidara's chest, much to the blonde-haired bomber's shock. Itachi was staring off into space with a terrified look in his eyes, while Sasori, Konan and Pein were looking at an animated Kisame with interest. Zetsu was hiding in his venus-flytrap and Kakuzu was counting his money with a lethargic look on his face. And no, it wasn't because of the money.

"...FISHING NET!" Kisame yelled suddenly, sending the nine members flying into the air. "HE TRIED TO CATCH ME! HE TRIED TO CATCH ME WITH A FISHING HOOK, TOO! THEN, HE BROUGHT ME TO THE AQUARIUM, AND THAT'S WHERE I SAW..." Kisame started sobbing animatedly. "My MOTHER's dead BODY!"

...

...

...

"Next," Pein commanded, struggling to control the twitching muscles in his face due to the earlier shock he had experienced earlier. "NEXT."

**Itachi's scary tale**

"So it's my turn...?" Itachi asked without a trace of emotion on his face.

"Yes, you may begin," Pein said. "But _please. _No fishy talk."

Itachi glanced around the room. "It was a sunny morning. I was in my room, eating my favourite snack, Pocky. As I was chewing on a strawberry-flavoured Pocky stick, Kisame came barging into my room. As I was hiding under the blanket, Kisame couldn't see me. And so he _**sat**_ on me. A week later, a fishy taste still lingered in my mouth as my face was facing his anus when he sat on me. The end."

Kisame, upon hearing the story, began to sulk. "I told you not to tell anyone about that, Itachi-san," he muttered.

The other members could only twitch their eyebrows in pure horror. Oh, the horror of it all. It was too much for poor Deidara to take. His face instantly began to turn a greenish hue, and he immediately sprinted for the nearest toilet. Barfing noises could be heard not long after.

Pein shook his head in exasperation. "Good story, Itachi..." he croaked, wincing. "...Next."

**Hidan's scary tale**

"The fuck? It's my turn already?"

Pein nodded his head. "Yes. No _fishy_ talk, please."

"You're really scared of that, aren't you, leader?" Hidan smirked. "Don't worry, I'll try to abstain from telling a _fishy _tale," he chuckled, amused at his own joke.

Hidan coughed loudly, demanding every member's attention. "Well, let's just say it was a fucking Saturday night. I was walking past Kakuzu's room, wanting to go to the Kitchen, when I head...moaning noises coming from the inside of it. I stopped in my fucking tracks and turned around. And I was like what the fuck, what the hell was Kakuzu up to in that shitty room? Perhaps he was doing his shitty stuff. But the fucking retarded, oh maybe hot-sounding moaning noises were too loud to be ignored, and I fucking couldn't resist-"

"Erm...Hidan, would you abstain from swearing too much in one sentence?"

"Roger that sir, fucking roger that," Hidan scowled, a tad annoyed at being interrupted. "Like I was saying, the fucking moaning noises got louder and louder, and I was freaking the fuck out. Did Kakuzu become a Jashinist, too? Like the great me? I was like, _that's shitty fucking awesome. _But what the heck was Kakuzu up to in there? Must be his silly old fucking..."

Kakuzu coughed abruptly. "I demand that Hidan will cease telling his tale now. Konan, it's your turn," he said, dragging a protesting Hidan out of the room. "Your mouth needs some soap!" Kakuzu grunted, entering the bathroom with a cussing Jashinist.

The members winced as screaming and choking noises emitted from the room. What they were up to, they did not want to know.

**Konan's scary tale**

"Finally, it's my turn!" a lively Konan chirped.

Pein smiled. "Take your time, Konan." The members gaped at Pein in surprise and shock. Their leader rarely smiled, yet...they were certain that something was going on between the two of them, and Pein _definitely_ had feelings for Konan.

"It was a lovely Sunday afternoon," Konan giggled. "I was in my room with Pein! And we were on the bed-"

"..." Everybody present in the room ( including Hidan and Kakuzu ) shot Konan a curious look. Hidan began cackling loudly in amusement, while Tobi started fidgeting excitedly. "Were Pein-sama and Konan-san making babies on the bed? Tobi wants to know! Tobi is a curious boy!"

...

...

_Making babies?_

Konan turned red and started hitting the floor with her fist. "NO! ...W..ww...well...we were reading together," she stammered, blushing.

Pein eyed the members without a trace of emotion on his face. "What? Why are you guys staring at me like that?"

"Ooh, Pein-sama! Pein-sama, you're experienced! Tobi wants to know more! Tobi wants to know how you did it with Konan-san! Tobi wants to know how and why!"

Deidara lifted a hand and smacked Tobi in the face. "Hush, un!"

Pein stiffened in shock. Then, slowly, his face began heating up, and his orange-coloured hair turned into a shade of white. "...I...I have no idea what you are all talking about."

Tobi rubbed his mask and straightened up. "Tobi is curious! Tobi wants to know if Konan-san is...erm...if...she...has a big belly now!"  
>Konan narrowed her eyes. "W...what do you mean?"<p>

"Tobi wants to know if Konan-san is pregnant!" Tobi yelled excitedly, unintentionally kicking Deidara in the face as he did a little tap dance.

Pein opened his mouth, wanting to say something to defend himself, but closed it again when he saw a quivering Deidara.

"...TOBI...YOU...BASTARD...I SWEAR...I WILL BLOW YOU UP...WITH MY ART, UN!"

Tobi cowered in fear. "Sen...pp...pai..."

Quickly, Deidara moulded his clay into a shape of a cow and tossed it at Tobi. Tobi yelped and dashed off into the direction of the bathroom.

"KATSU!"

...

...

...

_Thanks, Deidara. _Pein thought to himself. _I owe you one._

**And that was how the story-telling session ended that faithful day.**


	5. 5: Vacation

**PART 5! After so long… *faints***

**Enjoy! Characters may be a little OOC! If you hate OOC then please leave. I will not entertain your hate reviews. In fact, I may leave you feeling scarred after that…*devilish grin***

**Just kidding! Have fun reading, my beloved readers! ^_^**

* * *

><p><strong>Why Akatsuki pwns all evil criminal organizations (#5 Vacations)<strong>

Vacations were rare in the Akatsuki.

There are many reasons why. Firstly, the members did not work hard enough to satisfy the ambition-thirsty leader, Pein. Secondly, they were having trouble trying to coax Kakuzu to fork up some cash for the holiday. Thirdly, Pein could not care less.

But of course, it was expected. Konan would speak up one day. She put Pein through a hell of a scolding and _somehow_, forced him to book a holiday lasting 2 nights in a tropical island.

When she finally announced that they were about to leave on a vacation, all hell broke loose.

_"Oh my gosh, un! Is this for real?"_

_"I'm looking forward to it."_

_"Adventure, here I come!"_

_"HOLY FREAKING' MOTHER OF JASHIN! WE ARE FINALLY GOING TO LEAVE ON A VACATION! ...Wait, what's that?"_

It took hours to calm the excited members down and force them back to their rooms. As Pein and Konan strolled down the corridor that night, they could hear the members' whining and cheers coming from their rooms as they packed their luggage.

Konan chuckled softly, turning towards Pein as they headed back to their room. "Are you excited, Pein?" she asked.

"No," he replied bluntly, anger creasing his forehead. "I will never be."

The teal-haired woman smirked, unaffected by his answer. "I will make you look forward to this trip."

"And how are you going to do that?" Pein raised an eyebrow.

"You'll see."

* * *

><p><strong>The next day<strong>

Itachi entered the room with a hand-carry luggage in hand and looked around. The place was unfamiliar to him, and he felt uneasy just by staring at the overly-excited Konan.

His thoughts were interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. "Howdy, Itachi-san! Are you excited about this trip?" Kisame said cheerily, ignoring the raven-haired member's cold stare.

"Not really," he replied emotionlessly, eyes darting towards the other members.

They were absorbed in their own activities. Hidan and Kakuzu were bickering, as usual. Deidara and Sasori were admiring some clay sculptures, Tobi and Zetsu were smelling some flowers and Pein and Konan were at the reception counter, settling some important departure stuff.

"The ferry will depart in a few minutes. Please store these boarding passes in a safe place. Once they are lost, you will not be allowed to step into the ferry," the receptionist smiled.

Konan leaned against the reception counter and listened attentively to her instructions. "Why, thank you," she chirped as she collected the boarding passes and stuffed them into her purse.

Pein simply stared at Konan blankly. She was decked out in a spaghetti-strapped tank top and ridiculously short pants which hugged her curves and outlined her sexy figure. The outfit exposed a lot of her creamy-white bare skin, and he could not help but _stare_. It was true that Pein found the only female Akatsuki member attractive, but this was pushing him to his limit. He found it hard to keep his eyes away from her body, and occasionally, his eyes would dart to her exposed thighs and back.

Konan was unaware of his attraction towards her body and unknowingly packed many revealing outfits into her backpack. Pein was going to have a hard time (or should I say, good time?).

She spun around and caught sight of him standing quite a distance away from her. She grinned and headed towards him, startling the orange-haired member.

"Here's your boarding pass, Pein. Why do you look so...dazed?"

He stiffened and straightened himself up, feeling the heat on his cheeks and the sweat pouring from his forehead. "I'm just...looking forward to the trip," he blurted out an excuse that he immediately regretted saying soon after the words were out of his mouth.

"See? I told you I would make you look forward to this!" Konan exclaimed happily. "Now let's get going. The ferry is about to leave."

"O...kay," Pein muttered as she skipped forward, making him lag behind. Suddenly, a hard tap on his shoulder made him flinch in shock.

"Yo Leader, how's all the shit?" a silver-haired Jashinist smirked, eyeing him with a sneaky expression.

"Good, I suppose," Pein replied with a frown. "Why?"

"You know..." Hidan trailed off as he made sure that the teal-haired woman could not hear them. "Konan has a hell of a body," he chuckled.

"...What?" Pein stared at him with a unreadable expression.

"Don't play dumb, you ass," Hidan hissed as he grasped the leader's shoulder tightly. "I saw you looking at her hot bod'..."

"Oh, shut up, Hidan," Pein mumbled. "Don't breathe a word about this to anyone."

Hidan let out a laugh, startling the passer-bys who were near them. "You guys will be sharing a tent at the island, right?"

"..."

"Hope you don't die from blood loss, Leader."

"Yea, whatever. Now get on the damned ferry before I send you flying to Konoha."

* * *

><p>"We're here, un!" the Akatsuki bomber screeched loudly, eyeing the tropical island with an excited expression. The sudden outburst from the blonde-haired man made Sasori flinch in shock.<p>

"Idiot," Sasori barked after he had recovered. "Keep your voice down. This is a tropical island and I want to make this vacation a quiet and peaceful one, brat."

Deidara frowned. "Sasori No Danna, you're not that quiet yourself, un."

"Why you-"

"SEN-PAI!" a high-pitched voice sounded, sending the two artists flying into the air. "Good news! I'm sharing a room with you!"

Sasori smirked upon hearing the news. "That means I don't have to stay with that brat? My, this trip ain't so bad after all..."

"No, Sasori-san," Tobi cut in, eyeing the artist with a wary look. "You're...with Zetsu-san."

"Fuck."

* * *

><p>"Pass me that hotel room key."<p>

"Take it yourself, stupid old man!" the silver-haired Jashinist growled, fiddling with the room door's lock. "Use those ugly hands, for Jashin's sake!"

"It's in your hands, brat," Kakuzu snarled, glaring at him. "Now PASS IT!"

Hidan sweatdropped. "Mm...kay, relax, partner. I've got this shit."

"I'll open the door, you hold these lugagges."

"Nonono," Hidan said, forcing the key into the keyslot. "It will fit inside; somehow...ah mother F-"

Kakuzu hissed in fury. "Stupid brat, just pass me the key and I'll open the room door!" he stamped his foot impatiently, still holding on to the lugagges with one hand.

"F...fine," Hidan relented and tossed the key to Kakuzu. "You try opening this shit."

Kakuzu took the key and stepped in front of the door, fitting the key into the empty keyslot. "For goodness sake Hidan, can you stop referring to every object you see as _shit_?" He proceeded to twist and turn the lock for a couple of times before shaking his head in disbelief. "This thing won't work..."

"Stand aside, Kakuzu. I know what to do."

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. "I don't believe you."

"JUST MOVE YOUR ASS!" Hidan almost screamed. "I have an idea and it'll work. Trust me."

"Okayy...now tell me what it is," Kakuzu said, moving away from the room door.

What happened next could not be explained in words. Hidan pushed Kakuzu out of the way and landed a hard, mind-blowing kick on the fragile room door, causing it to shatter into pieces. Dust floated into the air, blinding them both temporarily as realization struck Kakuzu hard in the head.

As the dust cleared, Kakuzu refused to believe it. Hidan had knocked down the room door, and they were now staring into their hotel room. The room without a door.

Hidan stepped away from the mess and forced a grin, eyes darting towards the hot-headed man every five seconds. "Well...my idea worked, didn't it?"

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Kakuzu let loose and chased Hidan all over the hotel.

* * *

><p>It took a long time for the Akatsuki members to settle down into their rooms. When they were finally done with all the packing, they were assembled at the beach, backpacks in hand and all ready to go.<p>

Konan placed her hands on her hips and looked around, smiling in satisfaction. Nudging Pein, she asked, "How's the setting?"

Pein stumbled backwards and grasped a pole for support. "It's good," he gasped, having no clue as to what he was saying.

After he had regained his balance, he contemplated going for a swim in the wide ocean. Glancing around the area, he caught sight of the Akatsuki members who were all absorbed in their own activities.

Kisame and Itachi were having a tan. Sasori, Deidara and Tobi were building a sandcastle , Zetsu was sleeping in the sand and Hidan and Kakuzu were fooling around in the sea.

"Hey Pein, let's build a sandcastle!"

The leader spun around and caught sight of Konan standing on a pile of moist sand, her hands filled with buckets and pails which came from nowhere.

"Heh, I was prepared for this!" she grinned proudly. Setting the items down onto the sand, she beckoned him over. "Come here!"

Pein's forehead creased with frustration. _Damn, I wanted to join Hidan and Kakuzu_, he thought to himself bitterly. Walking over to Konan, he frowned as the teal-haired Akatsuki member chuckled hysterically.

"What's so funny?" he asked with an innocent look on his face.

Konan smirked mischievously, shaking her head. Pein raised his eyebrows questionably and let his guard down for a second.

"…SURPRISE!" Konan screeched suddenly, sending the leader flying out of his skin. Then, he felt it, the cold, cool and salty water on his muscular frame. She had thrown a bucket full of sea water on him!

"I-IT'S F-F-F-F-F-" his teeth chattered violently, his teeth clicking against one another. "F-F-F-F-F…"

"Shut the hell up," Konan scowled as she kicked a convulsing Pein onto the ground. He landed on the moist sand with a thud, his head spinning. "K-Konan, w-what…" Without a word, the brash female started throwing lumpfuls of sand at him. He yelped as he felt the sand-balls hit him in the face and stomach. God, she was STRONG.

"KKKKOOOOONNNAAAANNNN!" he hollered as he felt four arms pin him down from all sides of his body. "PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"

Hidan chuckled loudly, startling the orange-haired member. "HAHAH HAHAH HAHA! AWH, THIS IS THE MOST FUN I'VE EVER HAD IN FUCKING AGES! BOOOYAAAAAAAHHH!" he held the leader down by the arm. "JUST DUMP THE FUCKING CASTLE ON HIM NOW! BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA…"

"Shut up, un! Your voice is 'hella annoying," a certain blond-haired bomber cut in, his glare murderous. "You're ruining my hair with your stupid rants, IDIOT!"

The other two members, Kisame and Itachi remained silent as they sensed the only female member of the organization step up. She advanced towards the shocked leader with an evil glint in her eyes, a feral grin plastered on her face. In her hands were sand-castle building utensils and a pail of water. Pein deadpanned, knowing that he was going to die. Humiliated and killed afterwards, that is. He struggled violently, as the four smug members tightened their hold on him.

"WHAT THE F- LET ME GO! I DEMAND THIS AS YOUR LEADER! ITACHI! KISAME! HIDAN YOU IDIOT! DEIDARA! LET ME GO NOW! FOR JESUS CHRIST…"

"I'm sorry, Pein-sama. I have to follow orders," Itachi replied bluntly, a solemn look on his face. Pein gaped at him in disbelief.

"This is ridiculous!" he sweatdropped. "Let me go-" he stretched out the words as he felt freezing cold water being poured on him. The members laughed snidely, glad that they were granted permission by Konan to 'torture' their beloved leader. Tobi clapped enthusiastically as she sniggered loudly.

"We're going to build a majestic-looking sand-castle on you, Pein!" she cackled loudly, triumphant. "You're going to enjoy this so bad! It's 'gonna tickle…"she laughed, sauntering towards him.

The members grinned devilishly as they gathered around their leader. Pein widened his eyes in surprise and swallowed hard.

"Errr, guys? Maybe we can sort this out? I'll give you guys advanced pay checks if that's what you guys want…just stop…OH SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT FFFUUUUCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! GET THE SAND OFFFFFFF MEEEEEEEEE DAMNNNNN ITTTTTTTTTTTT ITTTTT TICCCKLLLLEEESSSS LLLLIIIKKKEEEE HEEEELLLLLL! AND WHOOO JUST PUT SSSAAANND INNN MYYY FRREEAAAKKKIINNNNGGG UUNDERWEAR?"

Konan beamed, satisfied as she stood there with her arms akimbo as she let the members do majority of the work.

This holiday was off to a good start.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh god, I just love torturing Pein in my fanfics xD Heh. Heh. Heh.<strong>

**How was it? Review, please! It's like a dose of motivational yummy orange-juice for me! No mean comments, though. They hurt my feelings… xC**


	6. 6: Hidan and Kakuzu, Roommates

**Part 6! Hopefully this will earn me more reviews and favorites…*cough***

**Hidan: Why do I have to be hotel roommates with Kakuzu? Damn it!**

**Me: Uh…because fans love pairing you guys up as a yaoi couple so much?**

**Hidan: *vein pops out from forehead* I'll freaking kill YOU!**

**Kakuzu: I like it.**

**Hidan and I: OuO**

**Me: …well, that was weird. Enjoy this chapter! Characters may be a little OOC, especially Pein, our beloved orange-haired leader who **_**loves**_** piercings!**

**Tobi: Ohaiyo, minna-san! The author does not own the Akatsuki or Naruto! Tobi is a good boy! Hidan-san is a good boy! Pein-sama is a good boy! Deidara-senpai is a pretty boy! Itachi…**

**Deidara: I'LL KILL YOU, YOU SHITHEAD! I'LL…MMMFMFMF-**

**Me: *covers their mouths with duct tape* well, enjoy the story!**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Six – Hidan and Kakuzu, Roommates<span>

"Graaaaa…zzaaahhhh….maaaaa…"

"For god's sake Hidan, will you shut your mouth for once?"

"I'm…not…druunnnkkkk…gaaaaahhhkuuuuweeeezzels I dwear to JAshin-samaaa…"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes as he slung the drunk Jashinist over his shoulder and began to walk steadily towards the entrance of their new hotel room. The staff had to specially find them another room as their previous one had lost its door (thanks to a certain young man).

He sighed resignedly as he clutched the silver-haired man's arm tightly to prevent him from falling off. Boy, he was heavy. He huffed and puffed until he reached the front of their room and dug one free hand into his pockets, feeling his way around the closed cavern. When he felt the shape of a metallic-sharp object, he took it out and inserted the key into the slot gingerly.

"Bwaaaa…Kaaaakooozuuuu, leettt goo off meee, you ffwwaaccker!" Hidan drawled, his body limp. "I can whawlk byy mee self." Kakuzu grunted when he felt a sharp pain at his side, and realized that he had kicked him. Hard. He growled unhappily as he entered the room, resisting the urge to throw the Jashinist out the window.

"You can't even say a proper sentence, Hidan," Kakuzu snarled as he slammed the door behind him and turned on all of the lights. _The room's stuffy,_ he thought as he headed towards the bed with him hanging behind his shoulder. "You'd better thank me for this."

"Ohhh pweease Corrkkcuuuzoo! I don't nweed no ccorrkk!" came the reply. Kakuzu's eyebrows twitched as he grabbed hold of Hidan and stood at the edge of the bed, contemplating what to do.

* * *

><p>…<p>

…

…

"…OHHHH FUCKING SHIT!" Hidan yelped as he felt himself being thrown onto the king-sized bed with full force. "WHAT THE FUCKKK! KAKUZU! YOU'D BETTER GIVE ME A PROPER EXPLANATION! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS SHIT! HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF MANNERS! HAVE YOU EVER…"

"Look, Hidan," Kakuzu replied simply, rubbing his hands together as though there was dirt on them. "You're no longer drunk. Isn't that great?" he rolled his eyes as he headed towards the bathroom, massaging his strained shoulders. He had no time for an argument, now. He needed a nice, hot shower to clear him of his senses.

Hidan sat upright on the messy bed, rubbing at his hair. "Umm…well, strangely, I feel better now. Like a whole new fucking person!" he laughed maniacally, raising his head. "Jashin-sama blessed me! I knew it! Now, where are the _fucking _sacrifices…"

"You were never drunk in the first place, you dimwit," Kakuzu echoed from the bathroom as he stepped into the shower. "You only drank one sip of wine. I drank five glass bottles."

"Quit showin' off, you old fucking hag! I drank plenty," Hidan growled, rummaging through his luggage. "And I poured alcohol on the freaking burger. I ATE IT LIKEA BOSS, BITCH!"

Kakuzu snorted from the inside of the warm shower as he scrubbed himself down. "We didn't even have burgers. We had a barbeque."

"…aw whatever. Shit's getting old. Refresh my memory, cock-zoo."

"IT'S KAKUZU, BRAT!" Kakuzu raised his voice an octave high. "…Well, Konan decided to have a barbeque after the whole beach-incident. Pein-sama had to eat dinner with sand in _every_ part of his body. Deidara burnt the meat with his explosions. Zetsu ate every human at the beach so we had the whole place to ourselves. Itachi and Kisame went fishing for fishes to eat," he explained, somewhat rushed. "That's about all."

"And what about the great 'ol me, cock-san? …oops, I meant Kakuzu." A chuckle.

"You were eating most of the meat that Konan had cooked. You said it was 'horrible' and got a beating from her. Depressed, you went to drink some wine and got drunk. So I had to carry your ass all the way to this hotel room. And now you're surprisingly back to normal."

Hidan gave a feral smile as he dived into a pile of warm clothes. "Ahh, that feels fucking great!" he mumbled cheekily before waving his hands around, taking in as much heat as he could. "Oh yeah, cock-zoo, I was _pretending_, idiot. So I wouldn't have to walk all the way back here," he cackled. "For free transportation, call _cock-zoo-cock-zoo-cock-zoo-three _for more details!"

Kakuzu resisted the urge to go out and slap Hidan hard in the groin, but he would be naked and it wouldn't be very…nice of him to do that. He decided to ignore the Jashinist's howls of laughter as he used a towel to wipe himself dry. After changing into clean clothes, he stepped out of the bathroom, inhaling the fresh air. The air-conditioner was on, and it felt nice.

"Oi, Kakuzu. Is it okay if I don't take a fucking shower?" Hidan had managed to calm himself down and was now seated on the bed, his legs crossed as he glued his eyes to the television set.

"Suit yourself," was the reply as Kakuzu headed towards his luggage to keep his things. "…Wait, what? Why are all of my clothes…scattered on the ground?" he eyed his clothes in disbelief.

"..." Hidan ignored his question as he stared at the T.V nonchantly, as if in a trance.

"Hidan…"

No reply.

"…HIDAN!"

"What the fuck?"

Kakuzu stomped his feet impatiently. Then, his eyes lit up instantly as he thought of a brilliant idea. He smiled to himself and cleared his throat.

"Hidan, it's about you. Just a moment ago, when I was carrying you in, I saw a poster of you naked in Deidara's room."

"It's fine. They have my permission to admire my fucking godly body."

"…followed by a picture of me naked and another poster insulting your god, Jashin…"

Hidan's eyes widened suddenly and he raised his head, staring at him with disbelief. "What…did…you just _fucking _say?"

"There's a poster of me and you naked, and there's graffiti insulting your god in Deidara's room." Kakuzu grinned as he saw the silver-haired man begin to quiver with anger. His plan was working. _I knew the part about his god would piss him off," _he thought proudly.

…

"…H…How dare…d-dare…they PUT A PICTURE OF YOU INSIDE THEIR ROOM?" Hidan shrieked suddenly, sending the money-obsessed man flying into the air. "F-FUCK NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOO! OH SHIT, THEY GOT IT!" his faced turned a dark shade of red as he flung himself out of the bed and out of the door while chanting something along the lines of 'my property'.

Kakuzu stood there, stunned beyond words.

_So…the poster of me naked really does exist after all?_

**Wahahhahhahaa! Dei-Dei's in trouble…**

**Btw, don't forget to R&R! **

**Next up, Deidara and Tobi!**


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